[ it's a selfish thing to ask. not only because she has no right to, but because she knows it's not something that anyone can promise. kai hadn't disappeared because he wanted to, and neither had mack or lucy in her own world — no one chooses to just leave like that, not always, and she knows she has no right to ask anyone to ever just stay with her. life doesn't work that way, especially not with a life like her own.
but what she also knows is that despite what she'd given up with dana, what she had presumed wouldn't be possible long before she'd left back to her world for three years, what she reminded herself when she ultimately returned and saw the girl again — is that there's still a corner of her own heart still specifically reserved for the redhead who'd once taken a piece of it. that even if she'd given up the chance at something more, once believing she didn't have enough to offer, it would be fine, just as long as she could keep her in her life somehow.
clutching tight to her now, addy reminds that feeling so vividly, and she wonders if all her tears are for kai or if some part of it is for a different kind of loss she thought she'd forgotten.
and still, she's selfish, selfish for the closeness she earns in her sadness, for dana's lips on her hair and the warmth of her embrace, and maybe it's enough of something, safe enough without crossing boundaries that can't be crossed again. maybe she can be selfish to just have this much again. ]
Yeah. [ she answers quietly, giving a slight nod as to not shift them too much, maintaining the hold as she sniffles. ] Can you?
[ they both know the reality of making a promise like that, that it's wishful thinking at best, but in the moment she's not going to point it out, and she's not going to shatter the hope that addy's still clinging to if she can help it. that isn't what she's here for, and so even after she voices that assurance out loud she doesn't dwell on whether or not she'll be able to keep it. it's just what addy needs to hear from her right now, so there's no hesitance from her in saying it.
and she won't turn away the chance to be close to addy like this either, touches between them that happen without her even having to think about it — which might be dangerous all on its own, but she's not pulling away either. maybe a part of her thought she would have to keep her distance with what's happened between them, with the years that addy went back and lived before returning with all the scars that reflect that time spent away. the hair beneath her fingertips is longer, but deep down, she can still smell addy in it, feel the same comforting press of that softness against her own. ]
Of course. [ like she would've stayed even if addy had wavered at the idea, just wanting more of a confirmation that she's welcome to linger here than anything else.
all of a sudden, she feels a cold wet nose snuffling at her ankles and peers over addy's head to spot kai's puppy curiously investigating what they're up to. the chuckle that rises up out of her is a little teary, but she tips her cheek to addy's head one last time, maintaining contact between them by taking one of her hands and linking their fingers. ] You checking on us too, buddy?
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but what she also knows is that despite what she'd given up with dana, what she had presumed wouldn't be possible long before she'd left back to her world for three years, what she reminded herself when she ultimately returned and saw the girl again — is that there's still a corner of her own heart still specifically reserved for the redhead who'd once taken a piece of it. that even if she'd given up the chance at something more, once believing she didn't have enough to offer, it would be fine, just as long as she could keep her in her life somehow.
clutching tight to her now, addy reminds that feeling so vividly, and she wonders if all her tears are for kai or if some part of it is for a different kind of loss she thought she'd forgotten.
and still, she's selfish, selfish for the closeness she earns in her sadness, for dana's lips on her hair and the warmth of her embrace, and maybe it's enough of something, safe enough without crossing boundaries that can't be crossed again. maybe she can be selfish to just have this much again. ]
Yeah. [ she answers quietly, giving a slight nod as to not shift them too much, maintaining the hold as she sniffles. ] Can you?
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and she won't turn away the chance to be close to addy like this either, touches between them that happen without her even having to think about it — which might be dangerous all on its own, but she's not pulling away either. maybe a part of her thought she would have to keep her distance with what's happened between them, with the years that addy went back and lived before returning with all the scars that reflect that time spent away. the hair beneath her fingertips is longer, but deep down, she can still smell addy in it, feel the same comforting press of that softness against her own. ]
Of course. [ like she would've stayed even if addy had wavered at the idea, just wanting more of a confirmation that she's welcome to linger here than anything else.
all of a sudden, she feels a cold wet nose snuffling at her ankles and peers over addy's head to spot kai's puppy curiously investigating what they're up to. the chuckle that rises up out of her is a little teary, but she tips her cheek to addy's head one last time, maintaining contact between them by taking one of her hands and linking their fingers. ] You checking on us too, buddy?